Worst Jokes Ever!!!

9567087 Views 26947 Replies 79 Participants Last post by Richard230, 10 d ago

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · Nov 16, 2013

What did the baby light bulb say to his mama? I love you watts and watts.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam!!"

Dyslexics of the world untie!!!

I often miss my ex, but my aim is improving

If you're opposed to gay marriage, blame straight couples. They're the ones having all the gay babies.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick.

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Richard230

· #2 · Nov 16, 2013

I take it that it is snowing in Iowa, Bill. [uhoh]

ST404

· #3 · Nov 16, 2013

Then there was the dyslexic who shot a gun with his gnu[uhoh]

Reactions: 1

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #4 · Nov 16, 2013

Richard230 said:
I take it that it is snowing in Iowa, Bill. [uhoh]

Actually it's 60 degrees and raining. I just try to get the jump on cabin fever and avoid the rush. [lol]

What do they say to a Harley owner who's wearing a suit and tie? Will the defendant please rise.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag.

Did you hear about the guy that was ticketed riding his motorcycle 165mph in a school zone? They sentenced him to work for Harley-Davidson. They wanted to get him as far away from motorcycles as they could. [lol]

Reactions: 4

ST404

· #5 · Nov 16, 2013

Hardly Ableson[lol]

DWS

· #6 · Nov 17, 2013

my jokes don't seem to work in this thread ... [

)]

notacop

· #7 · Nov 17, 2013

Perhaps your jokes don't work anywhere? [

]

Reactions: 5

Roadpizza

· #8 · Nov 17, 2013

"Take my wife... please." - Henny Youngman.

Reactions: 2

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #9 · Nov 17, 2013

"I just flew in from Vegas and boy are my arms tired" Henny Youngman, Bob Hope and hundreds of others.

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #10 · Nov 17, 2013

Patient says to doctor, "Doc it hurts when I do this". Doctor says, "Quit doing it".

Reactions: 1

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #11 · Nov 17, 2013

An elderly couple (anyone older than me) visit their doctor together. The doctor says "What's the problem?" The husband says, "We don't seem to enjoy sex as much as we used to". The doctor asks their ages and they're both in their 90's. The doc says,"When did you first notice this?" The wife says, "Well twice last night and once again this morning".

Reactions: 2

notacop

· #12 · Nov 17, 2013

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
I almost applaud these gems! [

)]

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #13 · Nov 18, 2013

notacop said:
What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Enlightenment by Van Morrison
Don't quit your day job [lol]

AlanI

· #14 · Nov 18, 2013

The Italian Virginity Test

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a “Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit”… a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc?
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.
If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!', ...you hit her with the shovel.

Reactions: 5

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #15 · Nov 18, 2013

AlanI: That joke is totally inappropriate, offensive and sexist. I loved it. [

]

AlanI said:
The Italian Virginity Test

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit"… a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc?
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.
If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!', ...you hit her with the shovel.

Reactions: 1

AlanI

· #16 · Nov 18, 2013

But you missed out saying - "it's also one of the worst jokes that I've ever heard, and I mean ever. [lol]

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #17 · Nov 18, 2013

It's not the worst joke I've ever heard, but it has to rank in the bottom 10. [

]

AlanI said:
But you missed out saying - "it's also one of the worst jokes that I've ever heard, and I mean ever. [lol]

DWS

· #18 · Nov 18, 2013

I new Alan would fit right in this thread ... [sure][lol]

Reactions: 1

Roadpizza

· #19 · Nov 19, 2013

This can't go on much longer without including a Knock, Knock joke....

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy wind blows de cradle will rock.

Reactions: 1

WildWilly

Discussion Starter · #20 · Nov 19, 2013

Guy walks into a tavern and sits next to a woman at the bar. He says to her, "Do you know the difference between a bj and a reuben sandwich?" She says, "No." He says, "You wanna do lunch?"

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